...so i figured

"ang babaw no? pwede naman ako magpaload"

yeah, hindi n'ya na lang derechohin na, "ayaw na kita itext e."

so why does he bother talking to me thru ym? para hindi s'ya ung lumabas na bad guy, instead e ginagawa nya ung mga bagay para mainis ako, ako na lang ung kusang lumayo? is that it? kinausap ko sya about it, pero deny pa rin. hai...texted him last night, and he didn't even bother to explain.

anyway, just got back from gateway para lang bumili ng pang-shave. ha-ha! 1st time ko magsheshave ng legs kasi i have it waxed by a pro...e kaso i burnt the skin on my right leg due to the DIY wax stunt i pulled last night. nagmarunong, sayang tuloy yung wax, 900 buckeroos down the drain...and sa laki ng bill ko last night, my mom won't give me my "pondo" na, so i've to settle for shaving. plus, hindi na pwede iwax kasi burnt na. kakatakot baka masugat ko naman sarili ko this time. haha! tsaka baka mag-ala cactus ung regrowth. scary! hahaha! kainis, hirap maging babae. buti pa sa guys, pangit pag walang legs sa hair...mas type ko ung hairy legs. hahaha! yoko lang ng hairy chest. ung arms, oks oks lang. ayoko ng kalbo ung legs e. parang native na native ung dating. hehe. tsaka feeling ko mas babae pa sakin. yoko nga. toinks.\

moving along...nakashades ako kanina haha makulimlim naman, hanggang sa loob ng mall pa! mukha tuloy ako nag-drugs kagabi. erk. as if i would even dare to try [drugs]. with matching ceu pe shorts na ala-metroaide at tshirt na nag-discolor na...at ang hair, uncombed ponytail-ed do...fashionistang-fashionista! hahahaha! double erk. haha!

uulan kaya mamaya? instead of staying at home and agonize, i decided to go to oj's birthday...eh un din naman excuse ko sa mga nagaya ng lakad for tonight, "baka kasi pumunta ako sa birthday ng ate ni *". eh at least birthday pa rin. harhar

random lang to

grabe kung magkalat ang condoms at PT kits nowadays no? wala lang...parang nakakaescandalo lang. hehe. oh well, proud to be a virgin pa rin naman ako kaya siguro ganun...basta parang sobrang lantaran na yung premarital sex. hehe. parang okay na lang sya, hindi na sya issue...im not saying na hindi ako maiinvolve sa ganun, malay naten, di ba? pero for now, wala kong balak. hehehehe.

grocery

went to the grocery with my mom kanina, and spent 3 hours of hila do'n, hila dito ng mga bagay na 'di ako sure kung kelangan ko. haha! basta most of 'em are kiss my face stuff...dami kong conditioner na nahila pala, all 5. 4 of 'em are kiss my face and one is brown ekek, forgot. bango kasi e. tapos hindi naman ako gumagamit ng bodywash, humila din pala ako nun, ung anti-stress, kiss my face uli. eh inde naman ako dapat maarte sa ganung bagay, kung ano ilagay ni mommy sa banyo, yun na yun. tapos may hand cream, body butter, dyi wax kit na di ko alam pano gamitin (sa salon ako nagpapawax eh), at kung anu-ano pa...dami ko rin pinaghihilang pagkain, tsokolate, pati local! hahaha! at syempre, nakapagtakas ako ng mudslide, tequila rose at absolut kurant! hahahaha! wawa naman yung nanay ko nagbayad...sakin palang daw yun...oh well, that's how i deal with errr...i dunno what to call this "feeling" i have e. hahaha! if i can't go shopping, sa grocery ako manggugulo. para kong si cristina yang na hila na lang ng hila ng kung ano...akala mo 1st time nakapasok ng grocery. haha! pati kleenex dami ko kinuha...para tuloy ako magbubukas ng mini kikay shop. haha! sayang di ko napuslit mascara at blush on (may max factor at l'oreal pa naman sa shopwise, shiznits...kung may paul & joe at chanel dun, kumuha na ko ng pressed powder. ubos na e) pero sa dinami-dami ng pinaghihila ko, feeling ko may kulang pa sa mga nabili ko. haha. syet. i hate this feeling...

parang kagabi til kanina, parang kong may general anesthesia, tapos ngayon nagwewear off na, nafeefeel ko na yung kung ano man to. hahaha.

nakakaekek pa kasi super christmas songs naaaaa tinutugtog nila!! huhuhu...

cheap thrill

as we all are aware, guys are always up for it, cheap thrill...hello! they see and treat women as sexual objects. okay, guys, look at ur momma's please and think about it...ayos ba? okay maybe some girls are willing to be part of the thrill, but i, for one, am not. i am more than just a cheap thrill. so please, spare me. thank you.

sabaw

nasasabaw utak ko, promise. as in. hindi ko maisip ano nafeefeel ko...one thing's clear, sakit jaw ko. haha! syet sarap tumawa...kung totoong tawa.



usap kasabawan tayo...sinamahan ko si tita sa CMC kanina, hehe haba ng hair ko! wala lang. kapal ko talaga...hehe meron medyo cute na nurse sa ER. Pero mas cute ung nurse nung nagduty kami dati, 5th flr ata sya. haha! atsaka ung xray tech..hahaha! oh well, ayun, trying to distract myself with the kacuteness ng mga guys. kasi feeling ko lumulutang ako, parang naglalakad sa nothingness, parang nasa limbo. haha!



so ayun, as i'm typing right now, si andoy at pao eh nagaaya uminom...hai. ayoko. hindi pa pwede...atsaka sus aasarin nanaman nila ko kay jay, e over na ko dun. though okay lang na mangasar sila, wala lang ako sa mood na asarin kahit kanino ngayon...



atsaka...nagpapabili ako shu uemura, bebe, forever21 stuff kay myca sa singapore. un lang naman kaligayahan ko e. haha!



hmmmm...ayun! siguro ung closest description ng nafeefeel ko ngayon is disdain...



woot! gusto ko pumasok sa capitol tsaka dun sa south ekek sa may bf resort un e. kaso ung latter ang layo. swoosh. pero pwede din, solo kong titira sa bahay namin sa cavite. BOO! eh daming mumu dun. ayks. hahahaha!



eh nako, sarap na lang maging maganda, adorable at lovable (pagbigyan na kakapalan ng mukha, ngayon lang naman e) kasi pag down ka, and daming ready na icheer up ka...basta clear lang na true platonic ekek lang ang lahat...eh basta ayoko muna ng more than that. saklap e...hahaha! syet. yoko na. tama na blab.



sabi nung isa ko katext kanina, "nasayo na lahat...un lang bopol ka sa lovelife. u can't have it all nga talaga." uuuyy flattering haha. walang kukontra, pwede? next time na lang. haha



kagabi ko pa gusto sumayaw...sana mag-God's Kitchen or Armin kami sa Saturday. Tas sa Sunday magbaballroom kami ni tito, sana...kaso momove ata yung party nya sa 30 para dun na din sa bago nyang bahay. (oh ayan nanaman. hindi kami mayaman. mahirap lang kami. ung iba ko lang kamaganak. lubog na kami. haha! kita mo ngang wala na yung town & country atsaka iba pa e)



woot! sana bilan ako ni mommy nung lavender-ish-colored motorola! pang-sun ko! hahaha! sa pasko na ung SE p1...o kaya kahit wag na p1, MAC ibook na lang. toinks. ang sarap mangarap, tsong! hahaha



oh well...quote for the day: "I like DEAD END signs. I think they're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere..." - Bugs Bunny



Baboosh na mga badoosh! shopping-shopping muna. hehehe



dep hits..ninuninuninu

fool again

i can't believe i let myself fall for it.......i should've known better. well, i knew better, but i've still let myself go for the free fall. ouch.

"it wasn't how i planned it... my feet are where i landed..."

plague -- Antipolo folks are all in the hospital, Medical City, ung iba Capitol. hai. isali niyo na din ako, oh, puhlease

woot! asked my mom to buy me 3 bags of flat tops woot! sawa na ko sa imported chocolates muna, flat tops, flat tops. woot!

kainis wala kong pambayad kay aris (gym instructor/trainer), i need elevated endorphines! since april, nagbabayad si mommy tas di ako pumupunta..hehe. bad.

back to the main topic. argh...*sigh*

as if i was born yesterday

i soooo hate it pag feeling ng mga tao bebenta sakin ung mga "alibi's" nila. hello?!

okay, moving along...inconsistency is a sign of hiding something or one is up to something, so if a guy shows such, blow him off na! dali sabihin, tsk. well, women's instincts nga diba sabi nila reliable naman? well, mine, so far is quite reliable naman so...i think his inconsistency's saying that he's juggling. but, sorry, i'm not willing to be one of the balls he juggles up in the air...kutob palang naman, once na-prove to. syet. syet. syet talaga.

which one would you...

prefer, be left hangin' not knowing what's going on, what happened, and if you're still waiting for something, or get dumped?

i prefer the latter. i know that it's sooo unusual for a girl to get dumped. well, i been left hanging not knowing, but i've never got dumped, so far. well, the reason behind it is, when i get dumped, at least i'll know that it's over, and i'll get the chance to figure out what went wrong, di ba?

syempre, as for guys, you'd want the same thing, right? kesa ung bigla na lang kayong iwasan. hehe. ayun, wala na ko masabi...lost for words again...back to the other side of my room and watch ally mcbeal. woot!

toodle-ooh mga badoosh!

boys will be boys

"men and their stupid boy penises" - grey's anatomy



boys will be boys, they will NEVER grow up. they can turn a hundred years old but still, 5-year old kiddo pa rin yan! they treat us, women, as commodities, na pag nakakita sila ng mas bago at much better na commodity, 'dun na sila.



Nakakainis pa e there are guys who try to convince us na they're different, pero hindi rin. What's the point? They're all the SAME! iba-ibang style at tactics lang 'yan, pero bottomline nun iisa lang. Iiwan ka din naman after a period of time, para que pa na iconvince ka nya na iba sya?



Pinakanakakainis lang, alam mo na ngang ganun, pag may dumating at icoconvince ka na iba sya, maniniwala ka nanaman ulit. ay nako, TANGA ko talaga. Nagpaulan ng katangahan, kagigising ko lang, ready to jog. kung talent lang to, pang-Guinness World Records na ako!



At syempre, as usual, dito ko to ipopost kesa sa multiply na mega magrereact ung barkada nung taga metrobank. sagwa ng buhay. pag feeling mo masaya ka na, in a split second, babawiin din. ay nako. in my face na katangahan ko nga! terible. hahaha



**i would like to thank Kat and Tiu kasi sakanila ko natuto na gamitin ang salitang "tanga", the word best describes me. hehehe. Dati kasi hindi ko s'ya masabi, parang forbidden word. haha



To think that only yesterday

I was cheerful, bright and gay

Looking forward to well wouldn't do

The role i was about to play

But as if to knock me down

Reality came around

And without so much, as a mere touch

Cut me into little pieces

Leaving me to doubt

Talk about god and his mercy

Or if he really does exist

Why did he desert me in my hour of need

I truly am indeed alone again, naturally



It seems to me that there are more hearts

Broken in the world that can't be mended

Left unattended

What do we do? what do we do?



At ito ang nakakatawang nakakainis, midst all these, I'm still hoping that somewhere, out there hinahanap din ako ng para sakin, ung kahit sablay ng onti, pero para sakanya, I'm the best among all the other commodities, na hindi nya pagpapalit kahit may ibang much better and newer ones na dumating.


Uhmmm...I haven't come to a point not to believe in God pa naman...I've my super duper tito jun who loves me so much...

ayun na naiyak na ko. haha! baboosh na mga badoosh!

shiznits

As I was watching Grey’s Anatomy earlier, I got hit by what Derek told Tatcher Grey about Meredith, "She’s tough. She tries to hide it. She’s difficult. But if you make an effort, she’s worth it. She’s worth the effort." I want a man or a guy who would say these about me. I want a guy who would me make me feel that I’m worth the effort. Not just for the sake of making me feel that way, but because that’s exactly what he feels about me, that I’m worth it. I’m difficult, extremely difficult. As what somebody told me, I look like a Persian cat. Well, I may be like a cat. Mailap sa una. (ayan, ayan, I’m all-blab nanaman)

‘Pag may nagreact dito na imposible ‘yun, well, you’re wrong. There was one guy who felt that way about me; at least I think he did. Kaya lang, things happened, he had to go away, I didn’t try harder in reciprocating his feelings for me. Basta maraming factors, which I don’t know I should regret. Pero ‘yun na ‘yun. And just when I thought I have a chance to feel that way again, I just ended up disappointed. Hindi naman ako nag-expect much from him, since we barely know each other. Plus, he isn’t really pining for me, ano lang…ewan. Pero basta hirap i-explain…Maybe what hurts is, I opened up the door for him, that maybe if I give this guy a chance, I could, I would errr…I don’t know. And that’s what hurts me, that he can’t be that guy. Gets? I didn’t want it to be just anyone; I wanted it to be him. But I guess he could never be that guy. Maybe he will be, but not for me. Kasi I believe that if a guy really, really likes someone, he’d do anything to keep her…if he thinks she’s all worth it. So there, maybe for him, I’m not worthy of his efforts, so I guess that’s the answer…So moving along…

So ayun, siguro there are guys out there nga na willing to be THE guy, but I’m just not willing to let them be the guy.

I’m not saying na gusto ko s’ya, pero I thought that there was a chance if we could get to know each other better, hang out or whatever people do these days…there’s a chance. Kung wala, at least be friends. Pero, ayun, parang wala, parang I’m not even worthy of para-sa-kaibigan time. I don’t usually care if people feel this way about me, but this time, I do. And it sucks.

Oh well, I wish him well.

sonic bomb...KABOOM!

sonicbomb nga ba yun, or is it sonicboom? okay, okay, whatever. I'm not much of a rakista anyway. Well, my brother is, but not me. My brother's the one who supplies me with rock songs, na maiintindihan ko pa yung lyrics. Ayaw na ayaw ko 'yung mga super duper sigaw or may sariling lenggwaheng rock music e. Para kasing noise na lang. Well, as I'm typing THESE letters, I'm listening to "It Ends Tonight" by the All American rejects which I got from my brother.

Okay, enough of the blab, let's go to the event I went to last night. I dunno, but I wasn't really in the mood of appreciating anything last night. Maybe the bands were okay naman, na sa akin 'yung sablay. Haha! If you're on friendster list, kita mo naman, nakared na pullover sweater ang lola n'yo. 'Di man lang nag-effort mag ala rakista eye make up. Which according to my good friend (well, s'ya lang yung kilala ko kagabi dun e. haha), Idang, soooo not like me. Well, I wasn't in the mood of dressing up din, I guess. Well, odd pero ewan. Super late ako (what's new?) 'yung nadatnan ko na band, parang nahulog sa balon tapos nagsusumigaw ng tulong. haha! Tapos, meron din yung femme vocalist, HIGH! isama mo pa 'yung guy host. Wala lang, I'm not a fan of chemical fun, I guess. Not my cup of tea, ganun. Tapos meron pa 'yung ala-tunog tao 'yung ginawa n'ya, which was good naman, superbly okay nga e. Naaliw lang ako kasi ung pants nya parang doble ng pants ko, katumbas n'ya dalawang tao! Ang laki promise. Sorry kung ganun magreact...Madami kasing sakit pag ganun kataba. hehe!

Erk, actually, wala akong masyadong mashare dun sa event kasi 'yung utak ko nasa Uranus. Basta late ako dumating, nauna din ako umalis. Haha! San ka pa?! (2 yrs. back, sabi nina Bam, english nyan, "where u at?" haha! pero syempre ekek lang yun) Manang Ylla in the making na ako. Shiznits.

I appreciate rock music naman e. Staind, Incubus, and the above-mentioned are rock bands naman di ba? I think. haha! Basta di ko lang keri ung mega sigaw, mega hi-hello tonsils pero wala akong magets. haha! oh, sorry, sorry, redundant na ako.

It's almost 4am, my mind is tired, my body's exhausted, pero I'm still wide awake. as in. Well, as I said earlier, I was listening to "It Ends Tonight" kanina...but no, As oppose to what the songs suggests, I don't want it to end tonight. Mega super estupida ko kasi, OA. Oh well, things have been said and done na, whatever might come out of what happened, tanggapin na lang...Kakainis. Maybe sad days are really coming...Oh well, "Hey there froggy*! Bring on the sadness na, I'm ready. Just make it fast lang. Ayoko ng killing me softly ang drama...I have a life to live, you know." Oh c'mon, virtual whatever, dapat virtual sadness lang. But this doesn't feel virtual to me. Haha! (Imaginary as what Antots calls it...so let's rephrase: imaginary whatever lang, dapat imaginary sadness lang. pero this doesn't feel imaginary to me.)

Haha! Whatever is out there must be joking. Just when I said I'm taking a break from waiting, aba'y waiting in vain all along pa rin ang scenario ko. Hahahaha! This not the silly, nakakatuwa, nakakaaliw funny ha? This one's the ridiculously stupid funny. Pathetic! haha!

To the people I was with last night, I'm so, soooo, sooooo sorry. You guys were great (It's not you, it's me ang eksena dito. hihi), medyo topak lang. In fairness naman 'dun sa set up ni Idang na wala man lang warning na may palang eksena, cute naman s'ya. He studies in CEU din, taking up BS Medical Technology...pero parang hindi s'ya mukhang familiar...eh sa dinami-dami ng kilala ko sa BSMT, bakit ganun? Tapos ako nakikita nila, sila di ko nakikita? haha! Anyway, Idang, bawi next time. Basta pag may ganung ekek, i-orient mo ko beforehand ha!

And again, another gimmick na mabibilang sa daliri kung ilang salita lang nasabi ko. Teehee.

Wooot! It's the first day of September. So it's official, beggining of -ber months is here! Christmas is drawing near! Yey! That's one good thing to look forward to, right? Hai, time flies sooooo fast. Birthday ko lang kahapon, September na ngayon! Haha! hyperbole. hahaha! Exagge!!! Today's my aunt's birthday, btw. And on Sunday, there will be a family thing to celebrate my mom's birthday, which was yesterday, and Tita V's. Yey! I get too see and play with Pia and Yanna again! I so love kids, super


P.S.
Re posting pictures here, will think about it pa. Kasi nawala sa drive ko ung script na di pwede mag right click e.

Sino nakakaalam nung "You" by Athena Cage ata 'yun? Taas ang isang strand ng kilay! hehe. joke!


---
*the frog in my dream symbolizes sadness daw kasi. Which I refuse to believe pa rin kasi ung dream na isa pa na feeling ko connected dun e bata na.