shiznits

As I was watching Grey’s Anatomy earlier, I got hit by what Derek told Tatcher Grey about Meredith, "She’s tough. She tries to hide it. She’s difficult. But if you make an effort, she’s worth it. She’s worth the effort." I want a man or a guy who would say these about me. I want a guy who would me make me feel that I’m worth the effort. Not just for the sake of making me feel that way, but because that’s exactly what he feels about me, that I’m worth it. I’m difficult, extremely difficult. As what somebody told me, I look like a Persian cat. Well, I may be like a cat. Mailap sa una. (ayan, ayan, I’m all-blab nanaman)

‘Pag may nagreact dito na imposible ‘yun, well, you’re wrong. There was one guy who felt that way about me; at least I think he did. Kaya lang, things happened, he had to go away, I didn’t try harder in reciprocating his feelings for me. Basta maraming factors, which I don’t know I should regret. Pero ‘yun na ‘yun. And just when I thought I have a chance to feel that way again, I just ended up disappointed. Hindi naman ako nag-expect much from him, since we barely know each other. Plus, he isn’t really pining for me, ano lang…ewan. Pero basta hirap i-explain…Maybe what hurts is, I opened up the door for him, that maybe if I give this guy a chance, I could, I would errr…I don’t know. And that’s what hurts me, that he can’t be that guy. Gets? I didn’t want it to be just anyone; I wanted it to be him. But I guess he could never be that guy. Maybe he will be, but not for me. Kasi I believe that if a guy really, really likes someone, he’d do anything to keep her…if he thinks she’s all worth it. So there, maybe for him, I’m not worthy of his efforts, so I guess that’s the answer…So moving along…

So ayun, siguro there are guys out there nga na willing to be THE guy, but I’m just not willing to let them be the guy.

I’m not saying na gusto ko s’ya, pero I thought that there was a chance if we could get to know each other better, hang out or whatever people do these days…there’s a chance. Kung wala, at least be friends. Pero, ayun, parang wala, parang I’m not even worthy of para-sa-kaibigan time. I don’t usually care if people feel this way about me, but this time, I do. And it sucks.

Oh well, I wish him well.